February. A depressing month for sports to be honest. The Super Bowl takes place but that signals the end of football until August. The NHL and NBA are in the middle of their seasons waiting for trade deadlines. College basketball is in its height of conference play but everyone knows what March means. Apparently golf is in full swing again but does anyone really care until April and the Master's? You definitely know it's a sorry month when it contains the most anticipated NASCAR race of the year, the Daytona 500.
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| Imagine nailing Tony Stewart with one of those blue spiny shells, yes, epic... |
MLB spring training is really close so I guess everyone should get excited about illegal immigrants, fat guys, and tobacco chewers to start hitting a ball.
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| The Braves are my favorite team but I can't get over these facts!! |
Also, in an unrelated sports note, it's Valentine's Day this month. Yes, I am single but even when I was dating during this holiday, I always believed this Hallmark holiday was a joke.
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| Cliche but c'mon, you don't need a manufactured day to celebrate your love for someone |
This combined with a pretty crappy winter month up north, it makes for one crappy month. Who decided February should exist? According to infoplease.com, the month is named after Februalia, a time period when sacrifices were made to atone for sins. Welp bottom dwellers, sacrifices are most certainly being made this time of year as we wait for this sorry month to end. Also, 2012 is even worse because it's a freakin' leap year which means this month will last ONE day longer than it should. Screw off Julius Caesar.
Here's a list of stupid things we celebrate this month of February:
The Good:
- It's FebruANY at Subway, awesome (even Subway knows they need a pick-me-up in this crappy month)
The Bad:
- Black History Month - not because it isn't valid but because (like most other holidays/events) it's become warped outside of its original intent, similar to Christmas. Seriously, google blacks who hate black history month and you'll see what I mean.
- Lincoln's Birthday, President's Day, George Washington's Birthday - I respect history but does our government even remember what our founding fathers stood for? And there's a movie coming out called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Haaaaaa.
- National Bird-Feeding Month - my dad maybe the only person pumped about this
- Parent Leadership Month - I might kill myself
- Groundhog Day - the only redeeming quality of this piece of sh*t is Bill Murray's movie
As you can see, I hate this month. I apologize to all the February birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, or poignant memories out there but let's face it. There's going to be a red-headed step child (boom roasted myself) in a 12 month calendar and it might as well be February (August, don't you breathe a sigh of relief just yet, I'm coming after you too...soon). Just like the 2nd mile of a 5K or the 3rd lap of the mile (I'm a runner, get over it), you just gotta grind this mother out. March brings Spring, sunshine, and hopefully happiness.
So I'll leave you with this. Here's an article from totalprosports.com of how to spend your life without football. Enjoy!!
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I would say that adjusting to time changes are about as tough as adjusting to the end of football season. In both instances, you see people milling about aimlessly, unsure of what is happening, let alone what they should do about it. The loss of football affects us all differently, but together, we can get through it. Don’t think of it as losing a sport, think of it as gaining 1/7 of your week back . (Probably more, sadly) You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Start off gradually, by day-drinking in bars without TV’s, then give up day-drinking in bars altogether and try doing it outside with your family and friends. That’s one idea. Here are 9 more to make the transition to Sundays without football.
9. If You’re on the West Coast, Sleep In
This goes for Saturdays especially, with Big 10 games seeming to start at like 8 AM PDT, but Sundays are almost as bad. Games start at 10 AM. The studio shows start at like 8. I’m guessing, cause I’ve never actually watched the start of a studio show unless I’m still up from the night before, in which case…surprise! I don’t remember it. The early games start at 10. That’s crap. I understand to fit in three game in a day, they have to do it that way, but it sucks. I mean, I like setting my alarm for 8 AM to go to bar, and I like being at bars at 9 AM, but it takes its toll over the course of the day, cause chances are my Saturday night was no walk in the park.
This goes for Saturdays especially, with Big 10 games seeming to start at like 8 AM PDT, but Sundays are almost as bad. Games start at 10 AM. The studio shows start at like 8. I’m guessing, cause I’ve never actually watched the start of a studio show unless I’m still up from the night before, in which case…surprise! I don’t remember it. The early games start at 10. That’s crap. I understand to fit in three game in a day, they have to do it that way, but it sucks. I mean, I like setting my alarm for 8 AM to go to bar, and I like being at bars at 9 AM, but it takes its toll over the course of the day, cause chances are my Saturday night was no walk in the park.
8. Watch NBA and NHL Games
It may seem like sports completely shut down during the football offseason, but they don’t. In fact, the end of football season dovetails nicely into the stretches of hockey and basketball when the season gets interesting and the playoff picture starts to shape up. And networks aren’t stupid. Well, not entirely. They know that you have trained yourself to become a beached whale over the past five months of Sundays for NFL games, so that’s when they put on the most compelling matchups in other sports. Unless you’re really paying attention, you can’t really tell the difference between basketball and football. If you drink enough, everything kinda looks like football.
It may seem like sports completely shut down during the football offseason, but they don’t. In fact, the end of football season dovetails nicely into the stretches of hockey and basketball when the season gets interesting and the playoff picture starts to shape up. And networks aren’t stupid. Well, not entirely. They know that you have trained yourself to become a beached whale over the past five months of Sundays for NFL games, so that’s when they put on the most compelling matchups in other sports. Unless you’re really paying attention, you can’t really tell the difference between basketball and football. If you drink enough, everything kinda looks like football.
7. Visit Your Non-Football Friends
When you think about it, sports really can take up a fair amount of your time. Not your TOTAL time, but your free time. For instance, football takes up roughly half your weekend as a casual fan. As a hardcore fan, it takes up almost all your weekend. You are left with a convenient slice of time to get drunk on Saturday night, but that’s pretty much it. So it’s hard to find time to interact with those that don’t watch football with you. Namely, girls that aren’t totally awesome and any weird dudes that don’t like football. Just because they’re weird and don’t like football doesn’t mean they should be completely ignored. It just means that they should be marginalized until the season is over. Then you can go grab coffee with them or go for a walk or do whatever the hell it is that they do.
When you think about it, sports really can take up a fair amount of your time. Not your TOTAL time, but your free time. For instance, football takes up roughly half your weekend as a casual fan. As a hardcore fan, it takes up almost all your weekend. You are left with a convenient slice of time to get drunk on Saturday night, but that’s pretty much it. So it’s hard to find time to interact with those that don’t watch football with you. Namely, girls that aren’t totally awesome and any weird dudes that don’t like football. Just because they’re weird and don’t like football doesn’t mean they should be completely ignored. It just means that they should be marginalized until the season is over. Then you can go grab coffee with them or go for a walk or do whatever the hell it is that they do.
6. Fight Crime
You’re going to have all this time on your hands once a week, and if you don’t have a ton of friends, this is just going to lead to downtime. Make the most of your Sunday. A lot of people think you can only fight crime at night. Absolutely untrue. You can use a clothesline tackle on a purse snatcher or examine a phony accounting statement the same way Peyton Manning picks apart a defense. Take the principles you gleaned during all that couch time and make your city a better, safer place. Plus, you can adopt the nickname of your favorite team.
You’re going to have all this time on your hands once a week, and if you don’t have a ton of friends, this is just going to lead to downtime. Make the most of your Sunday. A lot of people think you can only fight crime at night. Absolutely untrue. You can use a clothesline tackle on a purse snatcher or examine a phony accounting statement the same way Peyton Manning picks apart a defense. Take the principles you gleaned during all that couch time and make your city a better, safer place. Plus, you can adopt the nickname of your favorite team.
“Who just stopped that robbery?”
“Why…I believe it was…The Charger…”
“Why…I believe it was…The Charger…”
Sweet.
5. Acknowledging Your Wife/Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Children
You really shouldn’t have waited until the end of the season for this one. And you shouldn’t just do this on Sundays. But hey, better late than never. We can’t always share the things we love with the ones we love. So if your daughter had the misfortune of having a birthday that fell on a Sunday this year, make it up for her by throwing her that party you refused to accommodate during the season. That unsatisfied wife of yours? Have some sex with her. You’ve got the time now. Football takes up as much time as a golf or crack habit, so if your family or loved ones are nice enough to indulge you for over 5 months a year, make sure you make it up to them on the back end. With sex and birthday cake. Or whatever.
You really shouldn’t have waited until the end of the season for this one. And you shouldn’t just do this on Sundays. But hey, better late than never. We can’t always share the things we love with the ones we love. So if your daughter had the misfortune of having a birthday that fell on a Sunday this year, make it up for her by throwing her that party you refused to accommodate during the season. That unsatisfied wife of yours? Have some sex with her. You’ve got the time now. Football takes up as much time as a golf or crack habit, so if your family or loved ones are nice enough to indulge you for over 5 months a year, make sure you make it up to them on the back end. With sex and birthday cake. Or whatever.
4. Start Strategizing Next Year’s Fantasy Team
It’s never too early. I actually suggest that you do this during office hours at work, but if you have a real job, then your cherished Sundays might be the only time to do it. If you want to dork out hard, you can have some friends over, do mock drafts, and swap scouting reports. It’s kind of pathetic, but it can probably fool you into thinking that football season is right around the corner. At least for a little bit. Strategizing every Sunday for 5 months might get a little old. It all depends on how much you miss the NFL.
It’s never too early. I actually suggest that you do this during office hours at work, but if you have a real job, then your cherished Sundays might be the only time to do it. If you want to dork out hard, you can have some friends over, do mock drafts, and swap scouting reports. It’s kind of pathetic, but it can probably fool you into thinking that football season is right around the corner. At least for a little bit. Strategizing every Sunday for 5 months might get a little old. It all depends on how much you miss the NFL.3. Step Outside and Face the Harsh Light of Day
You can hang out with your kids during football, you can cook watching football, and you can socialize watching football. But it’s almost impossible to watch football outside. Sure you can do it on the covered patio of some bar, but that’s not really outside, is it? So step away from your couch, then exit your living room, then slowly, but surely, step out your front door. It’s going to be bright, so you’ll need sunglasses. But that pasty skin you’ve developed as a result of bundling up indoors all winter? That will go away if you spend some time outside of your house. It’s one thing to stay inside when the weather’s bad. That makes you feel comfortable, that makes you feel smart. But when the weather gets nice, as it does in late February in so many places, staying indoors on a beautiful Sunday will make you feel like a slug. Trust me.
2. Exercise. Just Like Your Favorite Players
Whoa. This one sprung up on you, didn’t it? Yeah, it was bound to happen. There are only so many things you can do off the couch that won’t raise your heart rate. Eventually, we’d have to get to exercise. It won’t be that bad. Here’s something to bridge the gap: play football with your friends. It’s like an interactive NFL game, except no one involved can throw a spiral and everyone gets winded after 4 plays. You can also try “running.” It’s basically the same motion you use to get from the couch to the fridge (or bathroom), but more rapid. People do this to lose weight or when they’re chased by the police.
Whoa. This one sprung up on you, didn’t it? Yeah, it was bound to happen. There are only so many things you can do off the couch that won’t raise your heart rate. Eventually, we’d have to get to exercise. It won’t be that bad. Here’s something to bridge the gap: play football with your friends. It’s like an interactive NFL game, except no one involved can throw a spiral and everyone gets winded after 4 plays. You can also try “running.” It’s basically the same motion you use to get from the couch to the fridge (or bathroom), but more rapid. People do this to lose weight or when they’re chased by the police.
1. Watch 60 Minutes
(Immediately following the game, except on the west coast.)
(Immediately following the game, except on the west coast.)
I mean, you can watch 60 Minutes during the football season, but it’s just so rushed. It’s all sandwiched in between the afternoon game and NBC’s studio show (except, of course, on the west coast). Then you’ve got the Sunday night game. That’s too much football watching to enjoy anything else. So when the season ends, slow down a bit and act like an old person. Get your TV tray out and nod knowingly as Andy Rooney screams about why he hates The Twitter, and shudder in disbelief as you learn how many spider legs are legally allowed to be in your peanut butter. It may not sound like fun, it’s got that forbidden fruit quality during the season, so enjoy it while you can.
(Of course, for this last entry I pretended DVR’s don’t exist, but my theory is : You wanna see Morley Safer live, or you don’t wanna see Morley Safer at all.)
